(Reread the full question and answer here.)
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The Ethicist’s response was very well thought out and sensitive to the letter writer’s dilemma. We also struggled with figuring out how we could always be truthful with our children yet still tell them this lie. In the end, we decided it was less of a lie and more of a story, and a story that children love. Plus, we didn’t want our kids to be the ones who ruined it for all the others! — Kimberly
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I don’t disagree with the Ethicist’s response, though I’m not sure I would tell a very young child that I don’t believe in something though others do. I think that might lead to more questions that would be difficult to answer. Their world is a bit more straightforward and that nuanced answer might be more confusing than helpful. I supported my youngest daughter’s belief until she started to question it, at around 6 or 7. When she asked me if what her classmates, sibling and cousins were saying was true, I read her the New York Sun’s wonderful and classic response to Virginia O’Hanlon’s letter asking whether Santa Claus existed, from 1897. We then had an age-appropriate conversation about myth, imagination and reality. She asked questions and I answered them as best I could. I think that acknowledging that it was, in fact, a story, and talking about it kept my shattering the illusion from becoming a betrayal. — Anne
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I agree that deceiving children is not a good idea. I’d like my grandchildren to know they can trust my word. So, when my 7-year-old granddaughter asked me if I believed in Santa Claus, I simply said I had never met or seen the man. She was satisfied with that answer. I realize that I sidestepped the question, but the answer was completely honest. — Richard
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I’m a child and family therapist and I have also struggled to figure out how to handle the Santa Claus thing. I chose to answer my daughter’s questions about Santa by making a distinction between real and pretend: “Santa is a story, and lots of people like to pretend he is real and you can too.” If she wants to play the game, she can, but otherwise she has a sense of the conceit. My husband and other family aren’t entirely on board, but I can’t force them to comply with my wishes in all areas of parenting. Still, the language of “pretend” is forgiving. — Chloe
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In defense of not continuing — or even starting — a Santa story, if your children understand that gifts come from people, and not from Santa, you can also involve them in the giving end of Christmas, so that from a young age they give presents to parents and siblings, as well as receive them. That’s a worthy approach, too. — Caroline