Ariana Grande may be playing Glinda the Good Witch in the highly-anticipated movie adaptation of Broadway musical “Wicked” – but many on the internet have recently deemed her evil.
The Grammy-winning singer and actress has been at the center of an alleged scandal involving her “Wicked” co-star Ethan Slater. Reports surfaced that the pair began dating amid breakups with their respective spouses (Grande to Dalton Gomez and Slater to Lilly Jay); Jay told Page Six that Grande was a “not a girl’s girl.” “My family is just collateral damage,” she added. Is Grande indeed “not a girl’s girl?” Who should we believe when facts have yet to firm up? Why do we care so much?
Whatever the case, experts say fans will project their own insecurities on the situation – not to mention that women often feel the brunt of hate in moments like this.
“I find it personally really curious that we, as a society, have a word for women in this situation – home wrecker – but do not have an analogous one for men,” says says Maryanne Fisher, a psychology professor at St. Mary’s University in Canada. “That in itself tells us who we end up often blaming in these sorts of situations.”
Ariana Grande and why fans ‘might be feeling let down’
Some may be using this moment to justify their disdain for Grande, whose relationship history with Pete Davidson and others has been the subject of much tabloid fodder (and a feature of her hit 2018 song “thank u, next“).
“One group of people has probably never really liked Ariana Grande and is presumably using her behavior, both in the past with men who were already in a relationship and her current behavior, as a way to justify their already negative opinion,” Fisher adds. “These are individuals who want to demonstrate that they are somehow superior at accurately assessing other people’s true nature.”
Other fans “might be feeling let down by her behavior, thinking that her persona as a gentle and soft-spoken individual is genuinely who she is and reflects positive personality traits and subsequent behavior,” Fisher adds.
The “scandal” piece of this may invoke aggressive feelings from those sensitive to news of affairs. “Affairs can spark an array of emotions in us,” says Cecille Ahrens, a licensed clinical social worker. “The intensity of our response will largely depend on how we’re making sense of it, how we’re relating to it, our personal values and of course, our own personal experience of infidelity.”
What is ‘mate poaching’?
The idea of “mate poaching” may also be rubbing people the wrong way, i.e., trying to steal someone else’s mate. And it’s not all that uncommon.
“In the U.S., rates vary by age but tend to show that over half of men and women surveyed have tried to steal someone’s mate,” Fisher says. “These are not people who accidentally flirted only to find out that the mate was already involved with someone else, but who knowingly attempted to poach a mate in a relationship.”
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What our fascination with Ariana Grande, Ethan Slater says about us
Grande and Slater’s rumored romance will have many questioning their own relationships.
“There will always be conscious or unconscious judgment and projections for some of us because infidelity plugs right into our sense of safety and worthiness,” Ahrens says. “At our core, we want to feel safe and secure. We want to know we can trust the people we love to keep their promise and protect us, in this case the promise of marriage or commitment.”
When fears of poaching trickle into our psyches, “mate guarding” behavior may appear.
“This can include subtly putting our arm around their shoulder when they are talking to someone who they might find attractive, signaling that they are taken,” Fisher says. “It can include more covert actions, like checking their social media for potential threats to the relationship.”
The reality is that relationship fissures fracture us. “We humans need to feel safe and deeply loved. Any tear or injury to our trust often decenter us,” Ahrens says.
Still, the Yellow Brick Road dust will always settle. As Ahrens says: “The good news is – we can heal, repair and restore ourselves.”
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