His behavior has so alienated his children that they are now barely on speaking terms. He admits to his transgressions, but resents that his children avoid him and are not supportive of the upcoming marriage because they are appalled at the way he treats women. (The bride-to-be is not inexperienced. She’s been married several times and has children of her own.)
I was surprised to be asked to be the “best person” at the wedding. I accepted immediately, out of a sense of fraternal duty, without knowing the bride well or even supporting the marriage in my heart. I’ve regretted it ever since. Is it too late to back out?
Yes. If it helps, Miss Manners suggests you think of your charming behavior at the wedding as a living demonstration that some members of the family honor their commitments, even uncomfortable ones.
Dear Miss Manners: My supervisor at work occasionally buys coffee for everyone in our small department. It is a nice gesture, and she pays out of her own pocket.
One of my co-workers, however, makes a habit of not only requesting the most expensive options, but also several food items. She encourages all of our co-workers to order additional items, as well.
I believe my supervisor has begun to feel that she is being taken advantage of. Is there a tactful way for me to approach my co-worker, or should I leave the situation alone?
Leaving it alone is less likely to get you in trouble, but Miss Manners suspects what you really want to know is how to intervene.
“Did you realize that she’s buying this out of her own pocket? The company doesn’t reimburse her,” you might say. “That’s so nice of her.”
If that’s too subtle, you could add, “The cookies are delicious, but I don’t want to discourage her from treating us all again.” If that is still too subtle, leave the situation alone.
Dear Miss Manners: A woman of my acquaintance whom I see socially from time to time (not a close friend) is hosting a belated wedding celebration for her daughter. She has asked me if three out-of-town guests might stay in my house, pointing out that I could charge them for their stay.
I am not in need of money and have no interest in sharing my home with complete strangers, even for a few days. What is the least awkward way to tell this woman that I’m declining to host her guests?
The most polite answer is, “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.”
Miss Manners is unable to say what will be least awkward with someone whose idea of social grace is to billet her friends on a stranger — and then suggest bilking those friends.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.